oh come on..

had another crappy crappy day....i planned to wake up at the crack of dawn,but still overslept....havent combed my hair..i looked like ive dragged kicking and screaming down the gutter...my throat feels like its been stuffed with razor blades...could my day get any worse?

uhh..yeah..it could....from razor blades it progressed to rusty, dulled metal scraping my throat raw...ive been popping strepsils like it was lemon mints....after my six strepsil in just a span of 3 hours...i had a horrific thought..could i overdose on it? which sent me on panic mode...for about 3 seconds..and quickly discarded thought..and made to grab another...throat achy again..its like they are shooting a blood and gore film down there...sumbody sawing or sumthing..and mother of all badlucks...im out...and i cant go anywhere..cant leave the operation while its still going on...i tried swallowing..nothing change...they are still hammering and sawing down there....im desperate...anything..sumthing..then i see the lidocaine spray...hmmm...what if? i made a move to get it...and stop..what the hell? am i getting crazy? im gonna self anethesize?it must be the strepsils making me nuts....or my throat or the fact that im going insane over the pain...sumbody suggested to get a tonsillectomy...its a good idea...but i shot it down...for the following reason:

1) pain! pain! and more pain...the pain doesnt go away, until there is still saliva pooling in my mouth and thirst and hunger...but the ice cream part does sound nice..eating ice cream without the guilt...
2) if im gonna get a tonsillectomy its gonna b done in the or..at riverside..where i work...uhh..that would be kinda weird..for me lying down and my fellow nurses attending to me...
3) there is the matter of the no underwear policy in the OR....i would never leave it down if my co workers would see me in all my glory..hell no...especially if it would be the guys scrubbing...o..the horror and the shame...makes me shudder just to think of it
4) the worse is still to come..THE CATHETER....no way..absolutely no way...it gives me nightmare just thinking about it
well..that just sums it up...

now i popping diflam...strepsils are out...funny thing about this difflam is that it doesnt only numb ur tonsils...but heck...ur tongue too?...my tongue now feels funny...kinda heavy...i think...doubled? and make me talk funny....and guess what? sound funny too....i dunno what becomes of me tomorrow but hey....tomorrow is another day....or as james bond says...die another day....

food love it..hate it

had a crappy day...i just had a feeling that i would be crappy....woke up wid a prickly feeling down my throat...hell it just got worse now it seems like there is a razor stuck far down my throat...
another reason y it is a crappy day is that i havent got my doughnut fix...im crazy about doughnuts..i dunno why..its just started last week..whenever i get off duty...i started craving those yummy chocolate cover doughnuts...those oozing chocolates in the center...powdered doughnuts...im driving my self crazy now..with thoughts of those yummy doughnuts...arrrrgggghhhh.....i wish sumbody would invent a doughnut delivery....

another craving ive had...pizza...just cant keep my self from ordering..and here i am...bemoaning the fact that ive gain weight..while i cant stop my self on binging on food...oohhh..yellow cab opens tomorow..im blowing my salary on a large sized pizza..i can just imagine the cheese dripping..i need to stop..im giving my self a sore tummy just thinking bout food....but i can just stop thinking bout food..to compensate...ill just content my self with chocolate...ohhh...dark kisses...covered in candy...i need to stop this..just consumed about 30....whats up with me and my food obsession...the more i need to lose weight..the more temptations springs up....

just tried a new kinda of chips...1st time i saw it my reaction was..what the hell? a spaghetti flavored chip? are they out of there mind? what the hell is a spaghetti flavored chip? is there nothing else to invent? but i owe big apologies to who ever made the stuff...you are a genius mister...it tastes soo good...sweet, tangy...ah...a perfect chip...goes up in my list on the best chips on the planet....

enuf said..i need to stop fantasizing about food...else i go crazy..and do sum serious damage on the fridge

someday

heard this song someday by nina a while back....and between that song and i sum thing developed a sort of love hate relationship...hahah..hate it because it really hits bullseye in what im experiencing now...it makes me feel pathetic...a loser...but oh what a lovely song it is...gives me hope and affirmation....torn as i am i cant bring my self to stop playing the song over and over again...and every time i hear it i just want to scream out loud in frustration...yep...crazy u think ryt...what is it wid me and my love life...that sucks big time?

sucky in a sense that i really like this guy and he doesnt have a clue...yep...no clue at all...been like this since the 1st day we met...been torturing my self over and over this past few months...tryng to forget...as my bestfriend says..damn, make a move...but im scared...rejection is a very bitter pill to swallow...as iris said in the movie the holiday...the greatest casualty of the war raged not in battle fields but in everyday surroundings...weapons of words not of steel...is the people who are as what she called..victims of the cruelest kind of love..the unrequited love...rather than risk it all...i guess...i will just place myself in a corner and just keep on wishing that someday...someday....it would all come true..but ahmmm..hehe..its not really love..more of like an extreme case of like...but heck, who am i kidding...me the timid mouse....who asks the maid to call the delivery guy to order pizza because im too shy to do it....it would never happen not even in a million years...if i would live that long....oh well, i guess i would better find sum1 to distract me from this self destructive thing ive got for you, mr.squeaky...but ssshhhh...you cant know...it will ruin everything...after all this tralala town we both grew up in in is as small as it can be...everybody is updated with almost everything...so sshh...till next time

random rants and raves

1st time to write a blog...sheer boredom made me do it....boredom is what haunts me day in and night...it comes with the territory....being the resident loser and loner...the girl that would always be the bridge..the best friend and never being the leading lady....the fan never the star...argg...i know i must quit the self pity and move on to brighter side of things...haha..but to think of there is no bright side...haha....but hey..its just one of those nights.....listening to this awful but sum what catchy song...hhahaa..about models and fashionistas...kinda like me..ironic isn't it...a fashionista loner/loser....as my best friend would say...we can make things happen...in our own world..haha..kinda autistic ain't it? we are cool, we are sum thing else..haha..but hey..even if we are losers...we are cool losers...and that brings sum ooomph to it..hahhaa....now im listening to this song just for now....just for now the girl says...yea...i wish sum1 would sweep me off my high heeled shod feet...my price charming in a cool shiny car...and take me to happy lala land....forget troubles and loserness...even just for now...temporary madness and happiness...last nyt i saw the holiday...loved it....kinda makes me close my eyes and imagine jude law...he sure kisses good....full of passion...just once...i wish...pray even....i cud see sum1 gazing my way...with a look thats packs a powerful punch of passion..knock me unconscious...well thats just me...more to come...stay tuned...if u want to listen to my rants...and raves...and tear soaked heart pourings..hahaha